The Holy Spirit has been the most complex person of the Holy Trinity for me to grasp. Until fairly recently, my understanding of the Holy Spirit was no more than the “little dove figure of God”, who I only thought about once in a while during Pentecost. It has taken some time to encounter the distinct relationship I can have, and grow with God the Holy Spirit. Even still, I have continually been invited. He continued to work on me, knocking on the doors of my heart, pouring out His gifts and graces.

If we are willing to open ourselves to receive, the Holy Spirit transforms our lives in deeply personal ways. The littlest and gentlest of yes’ become an all-consuming fiat that we can give to God. And through this fiat, we can accomplish inconceivable things, not on our own, but as His instruments. 

When we are open to relationship with Him, we come to better understand who we are, and from there can be filled with the fire to develop our mission of Awakening Disciples to Proclaim Jesus.

Pentecost is an exciting time, reminding me of my missionary identity as a Catholic. It is a beautiful celebration to reflect on the gifts, talents, fruits and charisms we’ve been given, to receive Jesus, to allow Him to come alive within us, and to bring His presence about in the world. St. Elizabeth of the Trinity models for us what it means to receive the Holy Spirit.

“O Consuming Fire, Spirit of Love, come upon me, and create in my soul a kind of incarnation of the Word: that I may be another humanity for Him in which He can renew His whole mystery.”

– St. Elizabeth of the Trinity

In our own lives, we can be living monstrances who hold Christ at the center of every part of our lives. We can be living, human beings who by every interaction, can radiate Christ’s own life. He has given us everything. Our response is to give it all back.

We can do this by using our gift of Fear of the Lord. My first encounter learning about this gift was through attending my grade 7 Confirmation retreat. It seemed the most ambiguous. How could it be a gift to be in fear? 

As I reflect on this gift today and how it’s taken root in my life, I recognize how this gift has kept me from wandering too far away from God. Like a child who knows very well the boundaries of where I can freely play without putting myself in harm’s way, through the grace of God, I’ve been able to surrender myself to God’s care — trusting that He is faithful.

I’ve come to see the gift of Fear of the Lord as a fear of separating myself from what is good for me; of separating myself from Him. It’s the good fear that comes when walking down the aisle, saying my vows, and desiring to be good and faithful to my spouse until death. It’s the good fear that comes with holding my newborn baby for the first time, not wanting to be anything less than a good mother to her. This gift draws me close to Him and helps me to become faithful. This fear keeps me alert, and adjusts me to ensure I am heading in the direction of ultimate goodness.

As I write this reflection, I’m sitting on a flight that I almost missed. After a tiring series of cancellations, I wanted so badly to just be home with my family. 

I felt a deep sinking feeling and noticed a few minutes past the scheduled departure time that the monitor I sat in front of finally turned on and read “London”, not “Vancouver”. My gate had been changed from what was reflected on my app. Once I got attuned to two final boarding call announcements, I sprinted from one end of the terminal to the other, yelling “please, wait!” to the gate attendants two flights of escalators below. This fear alerted me, sprung me into action, and redirected me because I so deeply desired to go home. 

I look back now at all the times, my soul has felt that. In large or gentle ways. This gift has bore the fruit of faithfulness in my life.

Like a little child, it reminds me to run to God with total trust. To run home. 

This Pentecost, I pray that each of us reading these reflections may receive His desire to come alive in you. A ‘yes’ is nothing fancy. Just a simple openness to growing in relationship with Him, and praying for an increase in His gifts. 

May we be filled with an understanding of our inheritance, and who we are as children of God. And may we respond by giving all of ourselves back, to bring His presence about in the world.

 

Camille Mendoza is a wife and mom living in Surrey B.C. She is a homemaker and a freelance marketing strategist and designer, working primarily with Catholic-owned businesses and organizations. 

Camille and her husband Michael serve the RCAV marriage prep ministry at their parish, St. Matthew’s in Surrey. Camille believes in living an integrated life, with Christ at the center. Using our dreams, God-given desires, and charisms, we can live fully alive, and come to live a taste of Heaven on Earth, here and now.