How do we minister to others, when we ourselves are broken? This question often comes up when evangelization and accompaniment are being spoken of. It is difficult to feel like we are qualified to be a witness to Christ’s love when we ourselves love so imperfectly. If you are grappling with these sorts of thoughts, you are not alone. 

Henri J.M. Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest and prolific spiritual writer of the 20th century, who devoted his life to serving and teaching others about the love of God. He himself struggled with mental health issues, but that did not stop him from reaching out to others who were suffering. The last years of his life were spent with the L’Arche community in Canada, where he lived and accompanied adults with intellectual disabilities. 

One of Nouwen’s most beloved books is titled The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society. This book looks at the very question that this article begins with: how can we, in our woundedness, be a source of life for others? 

Nouwen begins exploring this question by introducing a few different ways by which he approaches the different problems of ministry in the modern world. All of these approaches, or “doors” as he calls them, serve as a lens for the minister “to recognize the sufferings of his time in his own heart and make that recognition the starting point of his service” (pg. xxi). In using the word minister, Nouwen is not simply addressing ordained ministers, but all Christians who serve in some way. 

The first door looks at the conditions of the suffering world at large. A disconnection from history and a constant bombardment of opposing ideologies leads “the nuclear man”  to confusion and hopelessness. Yet, Nouwen observes, that even with these struggles, there is a great desire for immortality - for each of us long to bring to the world something that lasts. 

The second door focuses on the conditions of the suffering generation and what people need from those who are called to ministry. Nouwen sees that people need ministers who are compassionate, who can give words to the inner lives of those they serve, and who can be “contemplative critics.” He writes: “The Christian minister who has discovered in himself the voice of the Spirit…might be able to look at the people he meets… in a different way.” We are called to remind those that we serve that as children of God we are redeemed once and for all, and that the face of our Savior is visible in our daily events and struggles. 

Diving deeper into the role of a Christian minister, the third door explores Christian leadership. Nouwen looks at the role of fear in blocking people from embracing Christianity and then instructs ministers in how to lead people out of fear into “new life.” What is necessary to guide others? A responder who has personal concern for those he serves, believes in the value of life and is hopeful in all situations. For “Christian leadership is accomplished only through service… [it] requires a willingness to enter into a situation , with all the human vulnerabilities a man has to share with his fellow men. The way out is the way in, that only by entering into communion with human suffering can relief be found” (pg. 81)

In order to accompany people to Christ, we need to be willing to enter into their suffering with them.

And so, The Wounded Healer paradigm guides us to go beyond sympathy to empathy. 

Psychologist Brene Brown describes the difference between sympathy and empathy in this way:   sympathy says “I feel bad for you.” Empathy says “I feel bad with you.” 

Empathy is that radical decision to share in someone’s suffering, rather than merely watching it from the outside. It is the choice to care even when you don’t have a responsibility to do so. As Henri Nouwen writes: “To care means first of all to empty our own cup and to allow the other to come close to us. It means to take away the many barriers which prevent us from entering into communion with the other” (p. 8). As evangelizers and accompaniers, we are called to empty ourselves and enter into the lives of those we are ministering to with radical vulnerability. 

The book closes on a chapter entitled “Ministry by a Lonely Minister.” It is in this section that Nouwen gets to the heart of the matter: how can a wounded minister help bring healing? He says that they must begin by acknowledging their own loneliness, so they can not only be in solidarity with the lonely, but also to use their experience as a source of healing for others. In reaching out with an open heart, one’s hospitality “creates a unity based on the shared confession of our basic brokenness and on a shared hope” (pg. 98). It is not by pretending we are perfect that we can help others, but rather it is in our woundedness and experience of God’s compassion for us in those dark places that we can truly be a source of healing for others. 

This looks like listening to others, not just trying to come up with quick fixes. It means being willing to struggle with moral and spiritual questions alongside those in complicated situations. It means praying for others, not just once, but in an ongoing relationship. Ultimately, it means being willing to give our lives for others like Jesus did, through our time, talents and resources. 

For at the heart of being a wounded healer is a deep commitment to be like Jesus. Evangelization leaves room for the woundedness of those seeking to be like Jesus to others, precisely because Jesus Christ  healed the world through suffering in solidarity with humankind. 

“Jesus is God’s wounded healer: through his wounds we are healed. Jesus’ suffering and death brought joy and life. His humiliation brought glory; his rejection brought a community of love. As followers of Jesus we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others.”