I’ve heard it said more than once that the people hardest to evangelize are your own family. 

Maybe we feel awkward because they know us intimately. They have seen our worst, our “anti-witness,” and the ways in which we fall short in our pursuit of holiness. 

Maybe our history with family members has too many nuances making it too difficult to navigate. Maybe we’re just used to the same topics and patterns with our family that it feels unnatural to diverge from it. Maybe there is too much baggage between family members to make it feel safe for vulnerable conversation.  

There are a lot of dynamics to navigate but it’s also the amazing thing about relational evangelization—there is no agenda. It’s about finding the natural starting point for you and just having a conversation. 

Here are some ideas that can help get you started and guide you in deeper conversation:

  1. How’s life going these days? What's keeping you busy?

  2. What’s the best thing going on in your life right now?

  3. What’s been the thing you lean on when life gets hard?

  4. What is one thing you would like to be remembered for?

  5. What role would you say faith plays in your life?

  6. If it turned out that God did exist, and you had an opportunity to ask God any question and get an immediate answer, what would it be? 

  7. How would you describe your journey with God up to this point in your life? 

Whoever you are speaking to, we want to meet people where they are at. Not all these questions are going to be natural for you or your family member. But you also never know where people are at in life. 

It makes me think of the time my wife and I heard Fr. Paul Goo talk about Sherry Weddell’s book on forming disciples, and he spoke about the power of asking spiritual questions. He suggested #5 on our list: How would you describe your journey with God up to this point? 

My wife had plans to meet up with a couple of friends that afternoon and decided that in the course of the conversation she would take a chance and ask that question.  

What resulted were two very deep and vulnerable conversations. They may have included tears. And discussion of what it would look like to re-engage with the faith of their youth. 

While these weren’t family members, the first step was still a leap of faith unsure how someone would respond and how to navigate the relationship. 

They also started having deeper conversations like that more often, like the first wading into unfamiliar territory broke the ice. From then on, it was easier to say in the future: “How’re things with your faith life?”

Of course, there are situations where it doesn’t matter how hard you try, it doesn’t come naturally. I’ve been in a position where I needed some help.  

For me, Alpha was my way of having this conversation with my two younger brothers. 

I asked them to come with me a number of times to Alpha before they eventually said yes. And it was in our time at Alpha that conversation opened up for us on a level we never had before.

In the talk, "Why did Jesus die?", we talked about the topic of forgiveness. We were all so engaged in the discussion that we went to a pizza place next door after the group to continue it. 

We were able to open up about difficulties with forgiveness while growing up, things like anger and grudges that played out in family members and in ourselves. 

The conversation was such a gift! I would have never known how to organically bring this stuff up with them but it helped facilitate the hard questions. 

Do you have a story to share of having a profound conversation about God with a family member? What question opened the door to that spiritual conversation? 

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